You ever sit on the subway scrolling Instagram and suddenly wonder if you’re doing life wrong? Like, why does everyone else seem to have that soft-but-powerful glow — the one that screams “I’m in my feminine energy” — while you’re hunched over a half-eaten bagel, juggling your MetroCard and a tote bag that smells vaguely of yesterday’s lunch? No? Just me? Cool.
I started thinking about how to be more feminine in your energy after a very weird Tuesday morning. It was raining, my umbrella broke (of course), and I had this big work meeting. I stomped in like a soggy raccoon, plopped down, and realized: I’ve been living entirely in “get-it-done” mode. Like, masculine, hustle energy. Lists. Deadlines. Sharp elbows. And yeah, it’s survival sometimes. But it also left me feeling… brittle.
Then I saw this woman — not a celebrity, just a random on the train — sitting there in this flowy dress, headphones in, drinking her coffee like she was in a French movie. Everything about her said, “I’m here. I’m present. I’m in my vibe.” And I was like, I want that energy. Not her outfit. Her energy.
So began my experiment: finding ways to be more feminine in my energy, without changing who I am. Spoiler: it’s not about pink dresses or “acting soft.” It’s a whole vibe shift.
Femininity Isn’t Just Aesthetic — It’s A Feeling
I grew up thinking femininity was lipstick, high heels, and smiling politely. (Thanks, 90s teen magazines.) But being more feminine in your energy isn’t about the look. It’s about how you move through the world.
Here’s how I explain it to my friend Jo: masculine energy = pushing, striving, achieving. Feminine energy = receiving, flowing, creating space. You can have both. We all do. The feminine energy just got buried under my Google calendar notifications.
When I started experimenting with it, it felt awkward. Like, “Should I light a candle or something? Do I need a flowy skirt?” But it’s not about props. It’s about slowing down, softening your edges (without losing your backbone), and letting yourself feel instead of just think.
The Day I Tried “Receiving” Instead of “Pushing”
Okay, funny story. I was at my local coffee shop — you know the one where the barista always spells my name wrong? (It’s fine, we’re over it.) Usually, I rush in, bark my order, swipe my card. That day, I decided to just… pause. Smile. Let someone hold the door. Make eye contact. Say thank you.
Sounds small. Felt huge. Like my nervous system took a breath. And then — no joke — the barista gave me a free pastry. I didn’t even ask.
That’s when it hit me: being more feminine in your energy isn’t weakness. It’s openness. It’s letting the world give back to you instead of constantly pushing through it.
Tiny Shifts That Made Me Feel More Feminine In My Energy
This is the stuff that actually worked for me. None of it is magic. All of it is doable even if you live in Queens and your mornings are chaos.
- Slowing down your movements. Walk slower. Breathe deeper. (Feels fake at first. Then feels good.)
- Checking in with your body. Instead of “What do I need to do?” ask “How do I feel?” and act from there.
- Adding a sensory ritual. Lighting a candle, putting on lotion, playing music while you cook. (Silly? Maybe. Effective? Yes.)
- Letting someone help you. Even if it’s just letting the bodega guy carry your heavy bag.
Conversations With My Friends About “Softness”
I told my friend Ana about this experiment. She laughed and said, “So you’re just slowing down and breathing?” And I was like, “Yes. Don’t knock it.”
Because honestly? Women (especially in big cities) get taught to armor up. To be efficient. To be “on.” And it’s exhausting. Being feminine in your energy is like peeling off the armor for a minute.
Sometimes I’ll literally text my friend before a stressful meeting: “Remind me to soften my shoulders.” She does. It helps.
Feminine Energy Doesn’t Mean Weak Energy
Let’s clear this up: being more feminine in your energy doesn’t mean being a pushover. It doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. It’s not about dumbing yourself down. It’s about strength that’s fluid instead of rigid.
Think Beyoncé at the Super Bowl — power and grace. Think Rihanna doing literally anything pregnant. (Iconic.)
It’s the vibe of, “I’m not fighting for my space. I am the space.”
Some Weird Stuff That Worked For Me
Because you know I tried some weird stuff:
- Dancing in my kitchen. No choreography. Just moving. It shook something loose.
- Journaling with no prompts. Just scribbling feelings. Looks messy. Feels freeing.
- Wearing fabrics that feel good. Like silk pajamas instead of old t-shirts. (Game changer.)
- Taking baths at weird times. Middle of the day on a Saturday. Like I’m in a movie.
It’s not about the bath. It’s about giving yourself permission to be instead of constantly do.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
Since I’ve been playing with this, people respond to me differently. Men. Women. My boss. My kids. It’s like my energy says, “I’m not rushing. I’m not bracing. I’m here.” And it draws people in.
It’s subtle. But it’s powerful. And it’s not something you can fake with a cute dress if your energy’s screaming “I’m stressed!”
Real Talk — It’s A Practice
I’m not walking around like some goddess 24/7. Half the time I’m still spilling coffee on myself and cursing at the MTA. But the difference is, I know how to come back. To slow down and shift. To feel my feet on the ground.
Being more feminine in your energy isn’t about perfection. It’s about noticing when you’re in push mode and gently flipping the switch.
