How to stop comparing yourself to others……..I wore two different shoes to school. Not on purpose. It was a Monday.
Everyone laughed. I wanted to crawl under the gym floor. Then my best friend said, “I like it. You do you.” And for a brief, fleeting moment, I actually felt okay.
Now, fast forward to adult life: shoes mostly match, but the comparing game? Still real. Social media, coworkers, friends, even the random dude walking his dog in my neighborhood—it’s like everyone’s silently running a race I didn’t even sign up for.
And honestly? I was terrible at it.
Why We Compare (Even When We Swear We Don’t)
I’d like to blame social media—and yeah, it’s partly that. But it’s also in our wiring. Seeing someone else’s success, confidence, or “perfect Instagram life” triggers something in us:
- “Why isn’t that me?”
- “Am I falling behind?”
- “Do I even measure up?”
I did a whole week of journaling about it once (full disclosure: it turned into a rant about my neighbor’s cat, which, okay, is valid). But the point is, comparison feels automatic, sneaky, and exhausting.
Here’s the kicker: comparison is always a highlight reel versus your behind-the-scenes. And queens, believe me, I’ve seen enough behind-the-scenes to know how messy it gets.
The “Wait, That’s Me, Too” Moment
One day, scrolling Instagram while eating leftover Chinese food at 2 AM (don’t judge), I caught myself comparing my life to some influencer’s perfectly curated brunch photos. I paused, mid-bite, and thought:
“Wait… she probably also cries in the shower sometimes. Or spills tea on her laptop. Or buys the wrong shoes.”
And that’s when it clicked: nobody’s life is the polished, filtered version we see online. Not even my high school friend who seems to have it all together.
My Terrible, Messy First Attempt at Not Comparing
I tried all the “mindfulness” stuff first. Deep breaths, counting to ten, reciting mantras. It worked… for about five seconds. Then my brain was back on full-throttle: “She’s got a promotion, your apartment still smells like last week’s pasta, idiot.”
So I wrote a list of practical steps instead. Real, messy, sometimes weirdly funny steps that actually stuck.
My Step-By-Step Guide about How to stop comparing yourself to others
1. Track your triggers.
I realized my comparison spikes mostly in two places: Instagram and group chats. Solution: unfollow or mute the stuff that makes me spiral. Radical, yes, but liberating.
2. Celebrate tiny wins.
You made your bed? Survived a Zoom meeting without falling asleep? Ate something green? Wins count. Write them down. I even high-five myself sometimes (don’t knock it till you try it).
3. Reframe your thinking.
Instead of, “She’s better than me,” try, “Wow, that’s cool for her. I wonder what I can learn?” It’s subtle, but it stops the jealousy spiral.
4. Limit social media doom-scrolling.
Set a timer, or just walk away. I’ve started keeping a journal nearby so instead of comparing, I write. My cat often judges me mid-entry, which is a bonus.
5. Focus on your own weird journey.
Comparison fails because you’re measuring yourself by someone else’s random, unshared milestones. Focus on your weird, messy path. My journey includes spilled coffee, late-night pizza, and occasional bursts of genius.
Pop Culture Lessons (Because Queens Girl Loves Pop Culture)
Sometimes, TV shows teach me more about comparison than a self-help book ever could.
- The Office: Michael Scott is living his best delusional life, and somehow, that’s inspiring.
- Friends: Ross compares himself to everyone constantly, and we get to laugh at him. Laughing at yourself? Great anti-comparison medicine.
- Gossip Girl: Yeah, socialites are ridiculous. But the lesson? Don’t even try to compete in someone else’s absurd game. Play your own.
Dialog-Style Moment
I text my friend:
Me: “I feel like everyone’s life is better than mine.”
Friend: “You seriously thought you were the only one?”
Me: “…I mean… yeah?”
Friend: “Queens, wake up. Everyone’s faking it a little. Breathe.”
And it cracked me up, but also… truth.
Extra Tips for Daily Practice
- Morning Reflection: Write one thing you’re proud of before opening social media. It sets the tone.
- Gratitude List: List three things about your life that are uniquely yours. Maybe it’s your mom’s spaghetti, your weird bookshelf, or that one plant you’ve kept alive since 2019.
- Compliment Yourself: Say something genuinely nice to yourself in the mirror. Even if it’s “Nice eyebrows, me.”
Outbound Link Suggestions
- Tiny Buddha: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others – practical tips and reflection exercises
- The Bloggess – hilarious essays that make you laugh at yourself instead of at others
Queens Subway Analogy
I like to think of comparison like the L train during rush hour: everyone’s trying to get somewhere, pushing, shoving, but really… it’s a slow, unpredictable journey. You do your own ride. You get off at your stop. Some people miss their stop, some get on late. It’s all okay.
Stop trying to measure your station against theirs.
Final Thoughts about How to stop comparing yourself to others
I’m still learning. I still scroll Instagram sometimes, I still compare myself, and yes, I still spill coffee. But I’ve gotten better. I’ve learned:
- Comparison is natural. Feeling it is normal.
- Your journey is yours alone. Messy, awkward, late-night-pizza-filled, and entirely valid.
- Tiny, daily practices—gratitude, reflection, humor—can chip away at the comparison monster.
So if you’re sitting there feeling like everyone else is winning life while you’re still figuring out the subway map, I get you. Take a breath, sip your coffee, maybe spill a little on purpose to remind yourself you’re human, and just… focus on your weird, amazing, Queens-sized journey.
