So here’s the thing. How to stop overthinking in relationships—you’d think there’s a cute little checklist, like “Step 1: Drink water. Step 2: Take deep breaths. Step 3: Boom, your brain is chill now.”
Yeah, no.
My brain? She’s a full-time chaos machine. Like one time, my boyfriend took 14 minutes longer than usual to text me back. Did I assume he was busy? Nope. I spiraled straight to he doesn’t love me anymore, he’s probably moving to Canada with someone cooler.
And the worst part? I knew it was insane while it was happening. But knowing and stopping are two very different things.
Why Do We Even Overthink?
Because relationships are scary, that’s why.
You’re basically giving someone your emotional organs and saying, “Please don’t smash these.” And sometimes it feels safer to obsess, analyze, and replay conversations than to just… trust that things are okay.
Like, remember AIM away messages? (If you’re too young for that reference, please don’t tell me—I can’t handle feeling ancient.) Back then, if someone didn’t put you in their away message lyric, it was personal. Now, it’s Instagram stories. He liked her picture but didn’t comment on yours—cue the overthinking Olympics.
Signs You’re Overthinking (a.k.a. My Resume)
- Rereading texts five times to “catch the tone.”
- Asking three different friends, “Do you think she meant this or this?”
- Imagining the entire breakup before the second date is even over.
- Googling “relationship anxiety quiz” at 1 a.m. (Been there, scored very high.)
And then the kicker: you exhaust yourself so much with fake scenarios that you’re too tired to enjoy the actual relationship.
So… How Do We Stop?
Here’s what’s worked for me (sometimes, not perfectly, but enough that I don’t feel like a conspiracy theorist every day).
1. Say It Out Loud
Half the time, overthinking festers because it’s locked in your brain like a raccoon in a dumpster. Once you actually say it—either to your partner or a friend—it loses its power.
Example:
Me: “I was spiraling because you took an hour to text back, and my brain convinced me you were dead or cheating.”
Him: “I was literally at the bodega buying toilet paper.”
Oh. Okay. Cool. (And slightly embarrassing, but hey, honesty’s sexy, right?)
2. Interrupt the Spiral
Easier said than done, but when you catch yourself replaying the same scene in your head—stop. Literally do anything else. Wash dishes. Call your mom. Watch Love Is Blind and judge strangers’ choices.
My therapist once told me: “You can’t control the first thought, but you can control what you do next.” And that stuck with me. I can’t stop my brain from whispering, He’s being distant. But I can stop myself from drafting a three-paragraph text demanding answers at 2 a.m.
3. Remind Yourself of Reality
Facts vs. feelings. My feelings: “He hates me.” Reality: “He just sent me a TikTok five minutes ago.”
Feelings are liars sometimes. Write down the evidence. Like, actual receipts. “He called me yesterday.” “She introduced me to her friends.” “He bought me that weird little pastry I like from the bakery on Roosevelt Ave.” That’s not someone who doesn’t care.
4. Don’t Play Detective
Oh my god, stop decoding emojis. Stop zooming in on Instagram stories. Stop analyzing the exact number of exclamation marks.
I once lost a whole afternoon wondering why a guy texted “k” instead of “ok.” Turns out he was just walking while texting. My brain had written a full Greek tragedy about our downfall.
Life’s too short. Assume the boring explanation.
5. Tell Your Partner (Without Making It a Crime Scene)
Look, if someone’s gonna be with you, they deserve to know your brain sometimes goes into overdrive. You don’t need to accuse them. Just be like, “Hey, sometimes I overthink stuff. If I ask for reassurance, can you just hug me instead of rolling your eyes?”
(And if they roll their eyes anyway? That’s not your person.)
Story Time: My Worst Spiral about how to stop overthinking in relationships?
Okay, embarrassing story but here we go.
I once convinced myself a guy was about to break up with me because he didn’t hold my hand walking back from the 7-Eleven. I spent the entire night crying, texting my friends like it was a national emergency. Next morning? He told me he didn’t hold my hand because he had a Slurpee in one hand and chips in the other.
So yeah. Sometimes your brain is just… dumb. And that’s okay. Laugh at it.
Other Random Tricks That Weirdly Work
- Set a “worry timer.” Like, allow yourself 10 minutes to spiral, then move on.
- Journal it out. Seriously, writing down “he said goodnight weirdly” looks so dumb on paper that you’ll snap out of it.
- Go outside. Fresh air in Queens is mostly exhaust fumes and halal cart smells, but still—it helps.
- Distract with snacks. Nothing kills a spiral faster than a bacon egg and cheese.
When Overthinking Isn’t Just Cute Quirks
Sometimes it’s not just “haha I’m crazy.” Sometimes it’s real anxiety. If it’s constant, if it’s exhausting, if it’s hurting your relationship, maybe talk to a therapist. There’s zero shame. Like, none. We all need help sometimes.
Bottom Line about how to stop overthinking in relationships?
Overthinking in relationships happens to literally everyone. (If someone tells you they’ve never done it, they’re lying or a robot.) The trick isn’t to erase it completely—it’s to notice it, laugh at it, and not let it run the whole show.
Relationships are supposed to be fun, messy, warm, sometimes infuriating—but not constant detective work. You deserve peace, not puzzles.
And if you ever forget, just remember: sometimes the guy didn’t text back because he was literally pooping. That’s it. That’s the explanation.
