So, signs he’s emotionally unavailable—ugh. Where do I even begin?
I could pretend I’m giving you some polished dating advice like a therapist with a clipboard, but let’s be real. This is coming from me, a girl who once sat on the 7 train crying into a Dunkin’ iced coffee because some guy “wasn’t ready for a relationship.” Spoiler: he was ready. Just not with me.
(I know. Brutal. But also kind of funny when you picture me holding a medium caramel swirl, mascara running, while some guy next to me was blasting Bad Bunny so loud my sadness had background music.)
Anyway, I’ve dealt with more than one emotionally unavailable guy in my life, and honestly, it’s like dating a ghost who occasionally texts “wyd.” You never really get them—just little crumbs. And somehow, those crumbs feel like a whole loaf when you’re in it.
But if I can save you the time, the heartbreak, and the embarrassing train tears? I’ll do it about signs he’s emotionally unavailable.
1. He’s Allergic to Talking About Feelings
You ever ask a guy, “So, how are you feeling about… us?” and he suddenly acts like you just asked him to explain quantum physics? The blank stare. The quick subject change. Suddenly, he’s very invested in the Mets score.
That’s the first and biggest sign. Emotionally unavailable men treat feelings like spam emails—delete, delete, delete.
I dated this one guy, let’s call him Chris (because that was his actual name—hi, Chris, hope you’re doing well in Jersey). Anytime I tried to talk about where we were headed, he’d say, “I don’t really like labels.” Sir. You don’t like labels, but you also don’t like conversations, commitments, or meeting my friends. Got it.
2. He’s Always “Busy”
Now, don’t get me wrong—Queens people stay busy. Between work, family, and that never-ending construction on Northern Blvd, life’s a lot. But there’s a difference between busy and too busy for you always.
If he’s always got an excuse—late meetings, sudden guy trips, “I’m just exhausted”—guess what? He’s not emotionally invested. An emotionally available person makes time. Even five minutes to send a “thinking of you” text.
I once dated a guy who said he was too busy to hang out. Later, I saw him tagged in a bar crawl photo wearing a beer helmet. Like, okay sir. Clearly your schedule was packed with pressing responsibilities.
3. You Feel Like You’re in a One-Person Relationship
Here’s a test: are you the one always planning, texting first, checking in, and basically carrying the whole emotional weight? If yes, congratulations—you’re dating a cardboard cutout with Wi-Fi access.
Relationships should be a ping-pong game, not racquetball. With emotionally unavailable men, you hit the ball and… nothing. Silence.
It’s exhausting, and the worst part is you start thinking, “Maybe if I just try harder?” No, babe. You’re not trying harder at breathing for someone else, so why try harder at their feelings?
4. He Keeps You at Arm’s Length (Literally and Metaphorically)
If you’ve been dating for months and still know nothing about his family, his childhood, or even his middle name—red flag. (True story: I once dated a guy for six weeks before realizing I didn’t know his middle name. Turned out to be Eugene. Which honestly explained a lot.)
Emotionally unavailable men will share just enough to keep you around but never enough for true intimacy. It’s like getting free samples at Costco—just a taste, never the whole product.
5. He Talks About His Ex. A Lot.
This one’s tricky. Some men are still so wrapped up in their ex that there’s literally no room for you. He’ll say he’s over her, but somehow she keeps popping up in stories:
“Oh, my ex loved that show.”
“My ex used to make lasagna like this.”
“My ex had that same sweater.”
Cool, bro. Want me to call her for you?
If you’re constantly competing with a ghost of relationships past, you’re not in a relationship—you’re in a rerun.
6. He Freaks Out When Things Get Real
The minute you bring up commitment, or moving forward, or even planning something next month, he short-circuits.
Example: “Hey, wanna go to my cousin’s wedding in June?”
Emotionally unavailable guy: glitching noises “Uh, June is really far away. Let’s just see where we’re at.”
Translation: he doesn’t want to see where you’re at. He already knows where he’s at—stuck in “casual, no promises, don’t ask me about feelings” land.
7. You Feel Lonely Next to Him
This one hurts. You’re sitting right next to him, maybe watching a movie, maybe eating pizza, and you feel… alone. Because he’s not there with you, not really.
I call this the “empty seat” feeling. Like his body’s there, but the seat next to you is emotionally empty. If you’ve ever felt that, you know exactly what I mean.
8. He Gives Just Enough to Keep You Hooked
Breadcrumbing. That’s the official word. It’s when he disappears for a week but then sends you a random “miss you” text at 11:47 p.m. And you’re like, OMG he does care!
No, he doesn’t. That’s just emotional fishing. And unfortunately, we bite. Hard.
9. He’s Charming, But It’s Surface-Level
These guys can be fun, flirty, even magnetic. But when you scratch below the surface, there’s nothing deeper. It’s like biting into a donut that looks stuffed with filling but it’s just… air. Still tasty, but disappointing.
10. Your Gut Knows
Honestly, you probably knew from the start. Our gut always whispers, but we drown it out with excuses. “He’s just busy.” “He’s been hurt before.” “He’ll open up eventually.”
But your gut’s smarter than all of us. If it feels off, it probably is.
So… What Do You Do about signs he’s emotionally unavailable?
I wish I had a magic fix, but the truth? You can’t force someone to be emotionally available. It’s like trying to get Wi-Fi in a subway tunnel. You can wait forever, but it’s not gonna happen.
You deserve someone who actually shows up, not just someone who texts you “wyd” at 2 a.m. You deserve someone who’s present, consistent, and not afraid of talking about feelings without breaking into hives.
And if you’re stuck wondering, “But what if he changes?” I’ll tell you what my best friend told me once (over mozzarella sticks at Jackson Diner): “Stop waiting for him to change. Change who you’re giving your time to.”
Mic drop.
