Texting in Dating: What to Say (and Avoid) to Keep the Spark Alive

Texting in dating……..You ever get a text so dry it feels like reading the back of a cereal box? Like, “ok.” Just ok. That’s it. No emoji. No punctuation. No energy. Just a cold, lifeless “ok.” Bro, you might as well have mailed me a DMV pamphlet.

That’s the thing about texting in dating—it’s either magic, or it’s the beginning of your slow fade into “sorry, I’ve just been so busy.”

I’ve been on both ends, and honestly, it’s wild how one text can either make your stomach flip (the good kind, not the Taco Bell kind) or make you consider throwing your phone into traffic on Queens Blvd.

So let’s talk about it—the messy rules, the stuff you should say, and the stuff you really shouldn’t if you actually wanna keep that spark alive.

The First Text: Don’t Overthink It (But Also Don’t Be Weird)

Confession: I once opened with “Soooo, you like bread?” Yeah. Actual text. I panicked. They mentioned bagels once, my brain short-circuited, and that’s what I came up with.

Shockingly, it didn’t work out.

Here’s the thing—your first text doesn’t have to be Shakespeare. Nobody’s out here winning Pulitzers for “Hey, how was your day?” But it also shouldn’t read like you copy-pasted from a “Top 10 Best Openers” Reddit thread.

Keep it simple. Keep it real. If you match on an app because they had a dog in their profile pic, say, “Your dog looks cooler than me. Does he accept bribes in treats?” Boom. Easy. Human.

What to Say When You’re Actually Into Them

If you like someone, say things that sound like you actually read their text. Revolutionary, I know.

Good texts feel like conversations, not customer service chats.

• “That thing you said about hating pineapple on pizza? Still thinking about it. Still judging.”
• “Okay, but you have to tell me more about that karaoke story. I need details.”
• “Random, but I walked past a bodega cat today that looked exactly like you described yours.”

See? Nothing dramatic. Just little threads that keep the vibe alive.

Stuff to Avoid (Unless You Want to Kill the Spark Fast)

1. The ‘wyd’ Black Hole.
   If your entire texting personality is “wyd,” congratulations—you’re the human equivalent of watching paint dry.
2. One-Word Murders.
   “Ok.” “K.” “Yea.” These are relationship napalm.
3. Replying 8 Hours Later Without Context.
   Like, sir, were you climbing Everest? Just say “sorry got swamped” or throw in a meme. Save yourself.
4. Overusing Emojis Like You’re 12.
   Nobody needs 14 winky faces after one sentence. It’s giving chaos.

The Weird Balance: Don’t Text Like You’re Married, Don’t Text Like You’re Strangers

This is the trickiest part. You don’t wanna come off like you’re applying for a job (“Hi, just checking in to see how your weekend went”). But you also don’t wanna text like you just bumped into them on the subway (“sup”).

It’s somewhere in between. Like that sweet spot where you’re interested, but not suffocating.

When I first started texting my current boyfriend, I had this dumb little fear: if I didn’t respond within ten minutes, he’d lose interest. But turns out? He had an actual life (imagine that). And so did I. So sometimes there’s a gap, and then you pick it right back up. No drama.

That’s when I realized—if you’re constantly stressing about response times, maybe you don’t actually like the person. Maybe you just like the chase.

Memes, Inside Jokes, and the Underrated Power of Stupid Stuff

Honestly, nothing bonds people faster than dumb humor.

You ever have an inside joke via text that’s so stupid it makes you laugh at random times in the day? That’s intimacy right there. My boyfriend once typo’d “gnocchi” as “gnocci,” and now every time we text about food, we just send “gnocci gang rise up.” Makes no sense. Cracks us up every time.

Memes? Absolutely. Reaction GIFs? Elite. Even a random TikTok with “this reminded me of you” hits harder than a novel-length paragraph.

Flirty Texts Without Being a Cliché

Let’s be real: flirting over text is both the most fun and the most cringey thing in dating. The line between “cute” and “ew” is thin.

Pro-tip: tease, don’t creep.

• Cute: “So when are you making me that lasagna you bragged about?”
• Creepy: “What color underwear right now?” (Bro. Immediate block.)

Flirty texts should feel like little sparks, not interrogation questions. Playful, light, slightly suggestive maybe—but not straight outta a bad fanfiction.

When to Actually Call or Meet (Because Texting Isn’t Everything)

Here’s a big one people forget: texting isn’t the relationship. It’s just the glue holding things until you’re face-to-face.

If you’ve been texting for three weeks with no date in sight, what are we doing here? Unless you’re in some long-distance thing, texting should be leading to something. Coffee, drinks, a walk through Flushing Meadows, whatever. Otherwise, it’s just digital pen pal energy.

The Queens Factor (aka Real Life Test)

Living in Queens, texting has an extra layer: the MTA. If someone texts you “I’ll come see you,” and then actually shows up after surviving a 7 train delay? That’s real interest.

Like, don’t just text me “we should hang.” Put your MetroCard where your mouth is.

A Quick Story about texting in dating

So once, early dating days, I thought it’d be cute to text a “good morning” selfie with my coffee. Except I didn’t realize my roommate’s laundry pile was in the background. Including a very bold pair of SpongeBob pajama pants.

Guess what? That stupid picture became an inside joke. He still brings up “SpongeBob Pants” years later.

The point? You don’t have to be perfect. Actually, don’t try to be perfect. Nobody texts like a movie script. Let it be messy, real, funny.

Final Messy Thoughts about texting in dating

Texting in dating is basically its own love language. Done right, it’s playful, warm, the thing that keeps you smiling on the subway when everything smells like hot trash. Done wrong, it’s the fastest way to kill attraction.

So yeah—say stuff that feels human. Avoid the robotic “wyd” vibes. Send the dumb meme. Risk the SpongeBob pajama reveal.

Because honestly? The spark isn’t in perfect grammar or timing. It’s in the tiny, ridiculous, you parts of the conversation. That’s what keeps it alive.