why modern dating feels so hard

Here’s the thing: why modern dating feels so hard is not even a question anymore—it’s like the chorus of every group chat I’m in. Somebody always has a story. “He ghosted me after three months.” “She unmatched me after asking for my Netflix login.” “He Venmo-requested me for half of his iced latte.”

And I’m sitting there like… when did dating turn into Survivor: Queens Edition?

It wasn’t always this way. Back in the day (wow, I sound ancient), if you liked someone, you either called their house phone and risked their mom answering, or you passed a folded note in class with a “Do you like me? Circle yes or no.” Simple. Brutal. But at least clear.

Now? Now we’re swiping through what feels like a clearance rack of human beings while trying to decode whether “lol” in a text means “I’m interested” or “Please leave me alone forever.”

The Appocalypse

Let’s start with the obvious: dating apps.

I can’t even count how many I’ve downloaded and deleted. Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, Raya (didn’t get accepted, thanks for nothing). Even Facebook Dating—yes, I was desperate, don’t judge.

It’s like a cycle:

Download the app.
Swipe with optimism.
Get 3 conversations going.
All 3 fizzle out.
Delete app.
Repeat in two weeks when loneliness hits.

Two people sitting at opposite ends of a diner booth in Queens, both scrolling on their phones instead of talking.

Dating apps are like Times Square pizza: technically food, but you know you’ll regret it later.

Too Many Choices = No Choices

This one’s wild. You’d think having a ton of options would be good, right? Like a Cheesecake Factory menu. But actually, it’s paralyzing.

You start wondering: “What if someone better is two swipes away?” So instead of investing in the nice, normal, funny person you’re actually texting, you keep shopping. It’s exhausting. It’s like you’re in a giant TJ Maxx where the sweaters are all half-off but none of them fit right.

Ghosting is the New Normal

Remember when people actually broke up with you? Like they’d call or even meet in person and say, “Hey, this isn’t working.” Hurt like hell but at least you got closure.

Now? People just… vanish. Poof. Gone. You’re left staring at your phone like a detective in some low-budget cop show: “Last seen: active 8 hours ago.”

I once dated a guy for two months—two months!—and he ghosted me after we had plans to go to IKEA together. IKEA. That’s basically marriage. You can’t just ghost someone after discussing fake Swedish couch names.

Dating isn’t just about two people anymore—it’s you, them, and their entire digital footprint.

Why did he like his ex’s photo from 2018?
Who’s this girl commenting “omg ur so funny” on his TikTok?
Why hasn’t she watched my Instagram story yet, but she’s posting memes on Twitter?

It’s like being in a relationship with someone and their algorithm. Exhausting.

Expectations Are All Over the Place

Some people want casual or people want serious. Some people say “I’m chill, go with the flow,” but really mean “I want you to be obsessed with me.” And then there’s the situationship, which is just dating purgatory with no WiFi.

I’ve been there: “So… what are we?” “I like where things are at.” Translation: we’re never labeling this, but also don’t date anyone else or I’ll be jealous.

Cool cool cool.

Story Time: My Worst Modern Date

I once went on a date with a guy who spent 45 minutes talking about crypto. FORTY-FIVE. MINUTES.

I tried to change the subject like six times. I even asked about his dog. He somehow linked it back to Bitcoin. Then he asked if I’d be interested in “investing together.” Bro, this isn’t Shark Tank, it’s happy hour.

I left early and went to my favorite halal cart instead. Best decision I ever made.